A 27-year-old man from Seattle is claiming to be Kurt Cobain, saying that he did not die from a self-inflicted gunshot wound on April 5th, 1994 as widely believed.
“It [suicide] was a way to get the media attention and all the stupid fans off my back so I could live in peace,” he said. “But now I miss all the awesome attention and I want my career back. I want to make money. I want to rock.”
The attention-seeking bizarre claims by the person calling himself Cobain get more bizarre as the person claims to have found an anti-aging potion:
“I’m 27. I never aged. I found a special plant in Alaska that I smoke daily that prevents physical aging. I’m ready to rock.”
Cobain says he is working on a new album called I Did NOT Kill Myself… I’m Alive and will shop it to major labels once finished.
“This new Nirvana album is my most rockin-est yet. I’m recording it myself in my condo studio. Dave [Grohl] and Krist [Novoselic] didn’t get back to me about playing, but that’s okay. I know they’re busy dudes. So my mom’s playing drums and my neighbor’s playing bass. They’re both awesome musicians. My dog’s even barking on it.”
Cobain says he and Courtney Love never stopped having a relationship and that she even helped stage the fake suicide because she knew how stressed out he was.
“We’re very much in love and she is my best friend in the world and she is pregnant with my baby (we have six kids total) and we’re buying a condo in New York City and a big house on the beach in Paris and building a skyscraper in Mexico City for just two of us and she said she is going to buy me a limousine once the new album comes out so I can ride to my concerts and awards shows in rockin’ style. I love her so much and she loves me back so much. I love her boobs.”
Cobain is currently sending out press releases announcing that he is still alive and hopes the new album will be released no later than 2016. He is also working on a Facebook fan page.
Latest posts by Sean Adl-Tabatabai (see all)
- Investigators Deployed After Fulton County Discovers ‘Issue’ With Ballot Reporting - November 9, 2020
- Biden Supporter at Rally Screams at Cops: ‘Blue Lives Do NOT Matter’ - November 9, 2020
- Washington Post’s Jennifer Rubin: ‘We Must BURN DOWN the Republican Party’ - November 9, 2020