Madonna: I Tried Witchcraft To Make Trump Lose

Millionaire heretic Madonna has revealed that she practiced Jewish mystical witchcraft on election night to make Donald Trump lose.

Speaking to Harper’s Bazaar, Madonna described focussing on Trump’s image on the TV screen while “lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives” as her agent and friend recited verses from the Quran.

She goes on to say that her agent knew someone who worked on the Clinton campaign, and that early in the night they heard that things were not going as expected for the Democratic nominee.

‘It was just like watching a horror show. And then she was reading from the Quran, and I was reading from the Zohar,’ said Madonna, referring to the collection of stories about Jewish mysticism that is central to the Kabbalah.

‘We were doing everything: lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives to God forever, if only,’ said the 58-year-old, seemingly puzzled that God wasn’t interested in answering the prayers of a woman who earlier in the campaign promised oral relations with anybody who voted for Hillary.

In the end, Trump defeated Clinton, and months later Madonna is still struggling to accept that her mystical witchcraft was not enough to overpower the will of the American people.

Explaining that she “always gets what she wants”, Madonna said she is unable to accept what has happened: ‘It’s like being dumped by a lover and also being stuck in a nightmare.’

This is how she feels every morning now, she said, waking up sad and heartbroken and devastated.

The singer also said she finds herself saying each day: ‘Wait a second. Donald Trump is the president. It’s not a bad dream. It really happened.’

Making the past two months more difficult no doubt is the fact that Madonna was also a big supporter and fan of President Obama.

On Tuesday night, she posted a photo of herself greeting the President after the two met during his time in office ahead of his farewell speech, which he delivered in Chicago.

‘Good-bye Mr. President! There will never be another one like you!‘ she wrote in the caption.

Good-bye Mr. President! 🇺🇸There will never be another one like you! 🙏🏻 Barack Obama you are a King amongst Men. 👑🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/5Y4kpFiaCp

— Madonna (@Madonna) January 11, 2017